


Spidey has an OnlyFans

by AttaBoyBuddy



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: College Student Peter Parker, Dialogue Heavy, Flirty Wade Wilson, I think of it as Peter/Wade but you don't have to, Pet Names, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter has an OnlyFans, Supportive Wade Wilson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27989334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AttaBoyBuddy/pseuds/AttaBoyBuddy
Summary: Spider-Man reveals to Deadpool not only that he has an OnlyFans, but that one of his TAs is blackmailing him into sharing the pictures. Cue emotional support and comments about Spidey's butt.
Kudos: 21





	Spidey has an OnlyFans

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick little thing about Spider-Man talking to Deadpool about his OnlyFans. I wrote it thinking that DP for sure has a crush on Spidey, but if you want to read it as just his typical flirting, that's a-okay too. I think I'm gonna leave this as a one-shot, but I might write more of it when I have the time/motivation. If I continue it I'll probably take it to an identity reveal and a Peter/Wade relationship because they're my comfort ship and the world is a hellscape.

The sun was just beginning to set when Spider-Man plopped down next to Wade on the edge of the building, a large bag of greasy Mexican food dropped between them. 

“You been waitin’ long?” the hero asked.

“Nah,” Wade lied. They were supposed to meet up to patrol an hour ago. “Besides, you know I don’t have anything better to be doing than waiting for your cute little butt.”

“And I’m sure me bringing you food has nothing to do with it,” Spider-Man quipped, unrolling the bag and passing the merc a bean and cheese burrito.

“Well that certainly doesn’t hurt matters, light-of-my-life. My darling… Ryan?”

“Not even close, but you can keep trying.”

They ate in silence for a moment, angled slightly away to give each other some semblance of privacy while their masks were rolled up, when Wade asked, “So tell me spider boy, what kept you?”

“DP-”

“Now I know it’s none of my beeswax, but it’s rude to keep a girl waiting, baby boy. I think I’m owed one eensy weensy detail about your day,” Wade interrupted. “I mean, obviously you don’t have to tell me, I’m just curious. Gotta puzzle out your life somehow.”

“I brought you food! That’s payment for me being late!” Spider-Man protested.

“I refuse to be bribed.”

“Alright, fine” he sighed. “It’s not that interesting. I went in to talk to one of my TAs.”

“Ah yes, my sweet Spider-Man is a college boy. Hot. What about?”

“My grade. I’m not doing terribly or anything, but it’d be better for my GPA if I take the class pass/fail instead of taking the letter grade if I can’t bring it up before the end of the term. I just wanted to know if he thought I could bring my grade up before then. The deadline to change your grading option is coming up, so I have to make a decision.”

“Well?” Deadpool prompted.

He could see from the corner of his eye Spider-Man put his food down and brought his feet up onto the ledge to wrap his arm around his knees and rest his chin on his forearms. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet.”

“Did your TA say there was a chance you could get the grade up?”

The other super paused for a while before answering, “I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”

“That’s too bad, Spidey. Well, you’re a smart guy, it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure it’s upsetting to not get the grade you want, but I’m sure you did everything you could.”

Deadpool thought the conversation was over, Spidey paused so long. The merc had finished his first burrito and fished another out of the bag before his companion said, “Something kind of weird happened.”

“Oh?” Deapool turned, caring less about the spider seeing his skin than the disconcerting tone of his voice. “What happened?”

“So… okay, so we’re talking in his office, right? I mean, all the TAs for the class share it, but no one else is at their desks, so it’s just the two of us. And we’re talking about my grade, and the assignments coming up, and how everything factors into the final grade, like the final and a project we have to do and how everything is weighted, and it’s not looking super good for me. So I say essentially, ‘damn, that sucks,” you know?”

“Sure,” Deadpool confirmed.

“And he says, ‘well, there’s always extra credit,’ and I’m thinking, that’s weird, cause the professor was pretty explicit at the start of the term that there wasn’t, but maybe he changed his mind or I’m thinking of some other class or something. They blend together after a while, so I could be wrong, so I ask what it is. And he starts talking about bringing in material from outside the class, which isn’t all that weird because it’s a stats analysis class and we basically always use outside material to run the program, so I ask if it’s something like that, and he says, ‘no, not exactly’ and that’s, you know, that’s weird-”

“Spidey, baby,” Deadpool interrupted. “Are you okay? Did he-”

“God, no, nothing like that. I’m fine. I’m alright.” He stopped just long enough to pull his mask down all the way before continuing, “but he starts talking about how he knows I have an OnlyFans- it’s totally not a big deal, don’t look at me like that. It’s just sometimes my paycheck takes a while to go through and I’ve got bills to pay, and it’s kind of fun, you know. It’s a nice confidence-booster. Anyway, not the point. So he starts talking about my OnlyFans and how I should give him access for free. Which like, I don’t even know if I have the option to waive the fee, I haven’t investigated it. But he’s saying that he could keep that in mind when he’s grading my stuff for the rest of the term. The professor doesn’t even really look at it, you know, it’s all the TAs.”

“Honey-”

“God, I was so awkward about it. I didn’t even say anything! I just kind of froze and did that weird, awkward laugh thing, and got my stuff and left. So my first thought is, no way, you know? There’s no way. I mean, he’s a grad student, so he’s not that much older than me so it’s not super weird, and I’m over eighteen, but still. How did he even know about that? It’s not like we’re buddies or anything, and I don’t go around telling all my TAs about how I sell my nudie pics online. So that’s creepy and weird for sure. But on the other hand, now I’m thinking, if I don’t then I’ll piss him off. And my grade right now isn’t terrible but if I tank the rest of the term I won’t pass, and I need this class to graduate, and they don’t teach it every term. Hell, they don’t even teach it every year. I may not have another chance, and I can’t afford to pay for another year. And it’s not like it’s illegal or anything, or like I can really object to him seeing me naked when completely random internet people have. I don’t exactly have the high ground here. I just… it just makes me feel icky, and I don’t know what to do.”

Wade watched as his friend hid his masked face in his arms, exuding nothing but misery. Hesitantly, he reached an arm out and rested his hand on the spider’s back in an attempt to be comforting. It must have worked at least a little, because he could feel the muscles in Spidey’s back relax a fraction. He wished, not for the first time in Spidey’s presence, that he was better equipped to have serious conversations.

Hesitantly, he said, “I know I’m not the expert on this, but I really think you should go to your administration. I’m sure they could do something about this.”

Spider-Man shrugged his shoulders and asked, “And what would I say? ‘Hey guys, fun story- I post explicit pictures of myself so I can afford to pay my water bill, and my TA wants them for free. You’re all old and crotchety and probably don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about sex work, won’t you step in and force him to give me money to see me naked?’ I’m not sure that would garner a ton of sympathy.”

“Or how about,” Deadpool countered, “‘hey, my TA is blackmailing me into giving him nudes. It’s a gross power dynamic and it needs to stop or else my good buddy Deadpool is gonna karate-chop this schmuck’s dumb head off his stupid, gross little body. Save a life :)’ See, the ‘:)’ makes it nice. You gotta say that part out loud.”

“So you want me to threaten him? I’m not sure that’ll get my message across either.”

“No, not a threat, a promise. My boots are ready for kickin’, baby, and his head is not long for his weird, probably scrawny and unattractive, body. No one puts the gross, inappropriate moves on my street-wife.”

“I seriously object to being your street-wife,” Spidey argued, but there was no bite in his words.

“Me too. I think you ought to be my life-wife, but alas.”

“Are you going to finish eating that?”

“Obviously. And don’t you think you can distract me from knight-in-shining-armoring your ass. I know your tricks, wench. I won’t be sidetracked.”

“Wench?”

“And don't think you get to just gloss over having an OnlyFans, either. I am being very sensitive and respectful right now and I want points for that. I have not said ‘awOOOGA daddy Deadpool likey,’ this whole time.”

“See, up until this exact moment I was actually very appreciative of that.”

“I will be objectifying you to the best of my abilities, starting tomorrow. I am for sure going to try to convince you to let me pay for some pics-”

“Never, ever gonna happen.”

“BUT today is for comfort and affirmations only. Back to serious mode. That guy's a douche. I’ll support you either way, Webs, but I really think you should go to your admin. I hear colleges are pretty anti-sexual harassment these days. I think they would help you.”

“But I chose to sell pictures in the first place-”

“Yeah, consensually.” Deadpool interrupted, “and to people who find you attractive and want to fund your bootylicious lifestyle. This dude is probably enjoying the power more than he’d enjoy the actual pictures themselves. And I hate to bring it up, because I really don't want to put this on you and it shouldn't be your problem to deal with, but if he's done it to you I'm more than positive that he will or already has done it to someone else.”

“That's true…”

“And besides, if nothing comes of it and he tanks your grade, I'll break his kneecaps for you. He takes a ‘leave of absence,’ you go to the replacement TA, say ‘hey, could you take a look at these assignments? I think there's something afoot,’ to which they say ‘oh my goodness, you are so right and also beautiful (in a respectful way), I will fix this immediately.’ And then you say ‘oh thank you’ and then you will come to me and say ‘oh Deadpool, you were right, and you are so strong and wise and good, and also handsome and smart and such a wonderful friend to me, I think I will repay you but pressing my butt right up on your-”

“Yes, alright. I get the picture.”

“Speaking of getting pictures-”

“I'll go in and report him in the morning. I'm sure if nothing else they’ll assign me to a different TA and I'll never talk to that guy again.”

“And then when you’re done you can come put your butt-”

“And then I will go to class and then I will go home.”

“And then go take some sexy pictures.”

“Which you will never see. Ever.”

“Never ever is a long time, and I’m a patient man.”

“You are the least patient person I know,” Spider-Man argued. “Even if I wanted to let you see them- which I definitely do not, don't get your hopes up- my face is on there. And my name. And certain poses and positions that I don't think I could ever live down. I'd never be able to look you in the eye again.”

“Now you're just being cruel. You've got me thinking about ‘certain poses and positions’ and outfits and all manner of things. You're a cruel, cruel boy. I’m trying my damndest to not be super duper gross right now and you are not making things easy for me.”

Spidey scoffed and stood, stretching his limbs and getting himself ready to swing. They had been sitting on the roof long enough, and there was crime to stop.

“If you think I'm gonna be able to get up for a while you are severely mistaken, my arachnid friend.” The Merc said, “it's gonna be at least a few minutes of thinking of very sad and/or disturbing things before I can go anywhere or do anything. The USPCA commercial with the sad dogs. Granny on the toilet. The electoral college.”

“Hardy har.”

“I am deadly serious. And while we’re on the subject, have I mentioned recently that I have the utmost respect for you? Nothing but admiration here, baby.”

“That's hard to believe when you've been talking about my nudes for the past ten minutes and can’t get up because you’ve got a hard-on.”

“Yes, but see, the difference is that I want to pay for them. Because I respect you and your butt very much. And I can hardly be blamed for biology. Unrelated question- do you do full frontal?”

“I am not going to answer that, and this does not feel like a very respectful conversation.”

“And the minute I genuinely cross a boundary you are welcome to toss me off this roof. I will not be offended.” A pause, no throwing. “Alright, cool. Do you ever do requests? Like, if someone asked very very politely that you either dress up as a Canadian mounty or all in leather, would you do it?”

“Well I already put together a whole set of leather photos,” Spider-Man shrugged. 

“Dead babies, dead babies, dead babies,”

“I don't have a huge following or anything,” the hero continued, unphased. “I haven't gotten very many specific requests. I mostly just do my own thing.”

“Well if you ever want a partner to do your thing, you know who to call. We could take pictures of me sucking your-”

And then Spider-Man threw him off the roof.


End file.
